


Loyalties

by Takada_Saiko



Series: At the End of All the Lies [1]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Jacob's past, Keen2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4559700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takada_Saiko/pseuds/Takada_Saiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first of a series of one-shots following World on Fire. The ink is barely dry on the paperwork Jacob signed to join the task force and Ressler wants him to sit in on an interrogation of his former handler, but the Major's former operative isn't sure he's ready to face the man that raised him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loyalties

Notes: This is a collection of one-shots that will be linked in (what I hope) will be mostly in order, following my multi-chapter story World on Fire. There will be a few things that won't make sense if you haven't read it, but in general the major point you'll need is that Jacob was offered a job with the task force and that Ressler was basically forced into making that offer, so those two have some potentially rough roads ahead. Hope you enjoy the collection!

* * *

**Loyalties**

 

"They want me to do what?" Jacob managed, hands stilling over the skillet and his gaze snapped back to his ex wife. She had been cleared back to duty just a day or two before, the myriad of investigative meetings, interviews, and psychological evaluations finally coming to a close with a couple of exceptions. He, on the other hand, was still wading through more paperwork than he realized could have been attached to a job. He was beginning to wonder if the point was never to put him in the field, but just to keep him out of their enemies' pockets.

Liz shifted uncomfortably from her place seated on his countertop. "Well, most everything is settled except for your medical clearance and the last round of psychology-"

"That woman is going to _drive_ me nuts," Jacob groused, tossing the chicken in the skillet so it wouldn't burn.

"I think you may drive her there first," Liz answered with an amused smile.

"Yeah? You guys talk about me?"

"Not specifics. She can't, but I do know you, and I'd guess you dislike psychologists as much as any doctor."

Jacob chuckled. "All but one."

"Good answer," his ex laughed as she slipped to the floor, wrapping her arms around him from behind. "You've been through a lot, Jacob. She's not going to judge you on it. Talk to her."

"I have you to talk to," he countered.

"Yeah, but you and I both know I'm too close to fill that role. The FBI just wants to make sure you're... steady. I had to go through a variety of exams because of the Connolly thing. I'm _still_ going through them as I get back out into the field."

"I don't like people poking into my past unless I let them in." He dumped the chicken pieces into the pasta that was already soaking in sauce. "They never get it right anyway."

"Just give her enough to clear you," Liz advised, kissing his shoulder.

"So they don't know if I'm crazy or not, but they want to put me in a room with my old handler? I knew the FBI didn't always think things through, but-"

"You don't have to be in the room, just behind the glass. Bud won't even see you."

Liz let go of him so she could lean against the counter, her gaze steady as she watched him stir their dinner. He did his best to ignore her. He knew what she wanted, but he wasn't sure he was willing to give it just yet. The subject of Bud was like a barely healing wound, easily pulled back open to begin the process all over again. The man had raised him and pulled him out of a situation that likely would have killed him, and in the end their break had been more painful than Jacob was ready to admit.

"You want to open that bottle of wine you brought?" he prompted.

Liz sighed, but still reached for the bottle she had brought with her and started to open it. It was a great deal like their early dating days in which she would bring the wine and he would cook. They had agreed between them that slow was best if they wanted to find a way through all the lies. He had rented out a small apartment and Liz had found one that was, at least, not a motel room.

"The interrogation is happening tomorrow at the Post Office. No one knows him like you do."

"I'm not cleared for work, I thought?"

"You're not cleared for active field duty."

Jacob sighed as she handed him a glass of wine. "My choices seem to keep being made for me."

Liz frowned a little. "Are you really not okay with this?"

"Of course I'm not okay with it," he huffed, "but I'll do it."

"Jacob-"

"No, don't start now. You already worked your charm," he said, the tease in his tone meant to end the conversation before Liz decided to delve deeper. They could talk _after_ he faced Bud. Doing so before would do nobody any good.

"You'll talk to me when you ready... Won't you?"

His smile turned a little more real. Liz had a habit of focusing in when it came to her job, and he and his feelings had always taken a back seat to that. It had taken the agreement, but she seemed to pick up on what he wasn't saying, and the fact that he wasn't ready to say more. It was small, but for them it was a good step in the right direction. "Yep," he agreed, shovelling food onto each plate. "Just not before seeing him. Not if you want it to happen."

"Fair enough."

"I think we need a new rule: no work talk over dinner."

Liz smiled and it reached her eyes. "Rule definitely accepted," she laughed and took a sip of her wine.

Jacob echoed the smile, pushing Bud out of his mind. That could be handled the next day. For the moment, it was just he and Liz, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

She had stayed the night, the excuse that they needed to be in early the next morning the one that she'd gone with. The reality of the situation was that the more she thought about it, the more she understood exactly what they were asking him to do. Her hunch was verified when she woke in the middle of the night to find his side of the bed empty. Liz had seen the light on under the bathroom door and heard the shower running, but even after she had gone back to bed she was fairly certain that he never did.

He didn't mention it over breakfast or on the drive in, but as they took the lift down to the black site he grew quiet, his expression closing off in a careful way. Just before the door open she reached over and took his hand. "Love you."

The mask cracked just a little to see Jacob just beneath. "Love you too," he answered, squeezing her hand in his. The mask fell immediately back into place and he released her hand as the doors slid open into the main room. Ressler looked like he had been waiting on them.

"We have McCready in the interrogation room. Phelps," he said purposefully, sounding as if it were taking a great deal of effort to call Jacob anything other than Tom, "will be behind the glass. You can't be in the room itself until you're fully cleared."

Jacob nodded and Liz forced herself to meet her partner-turned-boss' gaze. "Where do you want me?"

"You're back on duty, Keen. I want you ready to go in if the situation calls. Samar and I are going to lead it."

Liz nodded, trying not to feel a stab of regret at the shift. Things were different, and Ressler had done a better job that she thought she might in his shoes keeping things entirely professional between himself and Jacob. None of the irritation showed directly, and while they would likely never be close, she hoped they could at least develop a respect for each other.

"Don't look so disappointed, Keen," Ressler said with a hint of amusement. "I just need the man to go back to his solitary confinement in one piece."

She smirked. "Might be best."

Ressler didn't say anything more as he motioned for them to follow. Jacob was silent, hands stuffed deeply into his jean pockets, and his gaze was drifting as they walked. So far he had gotten an escort everywhere that he went, but Liz thought there was a good chance that by the time the final box was checked off and he was put on active duty that he'd know his way around better than half the people there.

As they moved into the back room to observe the interrogation he moved to stand in front of the glass, taking his hand out of his pocket only long enough to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose as Ressler spoke. "We just need you to watch for any irregularities that we might not know to catch. It'll be recorded, but-"

"Some things are easier to catch in the moment," Jacob said, his voice flat. "I'm aware."

Ressler nodded stiffly. "Alright."

Liz moved to stand next to her ex. "You okay?"

His gaze hadn't shifted from the chair that Bud sat in, hands visible on the table where they were cuffed to a bar. "Yep," Jacob answered automatically.

She nodded, not really believing him, but she didn't think he expected her too either. He was there to do a job and he would shut out any and all distractions until that job was completed. It was something that she understood, at least on a level. It was the deeply personal connection with this man - if the either men admitted it or not - that she worried about. Jacob had proven to be skilled at pushing back his emotions, but then they seemed to have a habit of rolling over him when he least expected it. All she could do was to stand by him and support him, and part of her wondered if that was part of the reason Ressler didn't have her in there from the beginning.

The door to the interrogation room opened and the newly-named assistant director was the first one through, Samar following behind. They sat across from Bud, but the Major could be easily seen from the viewing room between them.

He smirked, gaze shifting between them. "Is this where we talk about all the ways you can help me?" he chuckled, quirking an eyebrow up.

Ressler snorted. "No, this is where you help us."

Jacob had told them multiple times that Bud wasn't one to give under pressure. Put a knife to his throat and he told you to cut it. A gun to his head? He'd offer to take a bullet before taking a dig to his bottom line.

"And what makes you think I'm going to do that?"

"Because the sooner you do, the sooner you're processed," Samar piped in. "Currently you're being detained as a potential terrorist. Until we understand the full breadth of your organisation-"

"You won't. You ain't getting anything more from me than you've gotten before, so stop wasting both of our time." His gaze shifted between them. "But the kid's already told you that, hadn't he?"

Liz risked a look at the man in question. Jacob's expression hadn't changed, but she could see the very slight tightening of his jaw that was one of his tells of stress. He was internalizing it as best he could.

"Who did you have lined up to take your place in case of incarceration or death?" Ressler asked, pointedly ignoring the last statement.

"Might as well lock me up now. I'm not answering-"

"A name. Who runs your organisation now that you're out of the picture?"

Bud snorted, his gaze drifting past them. "You already know you're not getting anything, so I'm gonna guess you have him standing behind that glass watching my every move. Is that it?" It was as if he could see through the glass with the way he was looking at it. "Listening to my every word. Is that it, kid? You think you can figure me out?"

Liz reached out automatically and bit her lip as Jacob pulled away, his gaze never shifting. She looked to Ressler, looking for a sign that he was going to bring the topic around, but there was something in the set of his shoulders that made her uncomfortable.

"He's a loyal dog until he's not," Bud directed at Ressler with a shrug. "He gets these crazy things in his head sometimes, like that little bitch you keep. Don't know how she did it, but she did. Convinced him he could break away and live out the rest of his days with her."

"A name, McCready," Ressler said tightly.

"Whatcha going to do, Jacob?" Bud kept on, entirely ignoring Ressler at this point. "Marry her again and have a kid or two? Make sure you've got that family that you never had? Cute, kid. Real precious, until I get out, because you know that I will." The Major stood, his wrists still chained to the table, but he appeared to be looking directly at Jacob. "If it's not me it'll be someone else. I guarantee you, kid, you won't have that precious family of yours for any time before I take them from you."

"That's enough," Ressler growled dangerously, and while Liz couldn't see his face from that angle, she could tell that McCready's words were even getting to him.

Jacob, though, simply stared blankly at the glass. After a moment he broke, blinking rapidly and the breath he took was unsteady. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"At least we know there _is_ someone. That's more than we knew before."

"Jacob," Liz whispered, her hand coming to his face.

"Can we wait till we get out of here?"

She nodded. They waited until Bud had been led out before Ressler came into the room. Jacob went over tiny details that he'd seen, many of those things Liz hadn't. A shift in speech here, the way his drawl came closer to the surface when his own emotions wavered dangerously, and, of course, the fact that there was someone. This wouldn't be the last visit, but at least it had yielded something that might lead to answers.

Nothing else was on the books that day and they both took off early, Ressler catching her just long enough to remind her that he was a phone call away. Jacob remained utterly silent the whole way to his place, almost as if he risked a word his entire façade would crack and shatter. She let him keep his silence, forcing her own patience into submission, and had put a kettle on the stove for some tea when his strong arms came around her from behind. He held on tight, and even though she couldn't see his face, she could hear the strained way he was pulling in breaths. She reached a hand up, running her palm along his forearm and leaning back into his desperate embrace. Several long moments passed like that with him clinging and her being clung to, before he released her enough that she could turn and wrap her arms around him in turn.

"I'm sorry," he whispered raggedly after several more moments.

"For what?"

"It's not just me. It's you too. I won't let him-"

" _We_ won't let him," Liz said firmly. "He threatened both of us. We're a team, Jacob. _We_ won't let him win."

She heard him give a trembling chuckle in response, still holding tightly to her. "Right."

Liz reached up, her fingers in his hair and smoothing it down in the same soothing fashion he used with her so many times. He'd protected her more times than she realized and now she just wanted him to feel safe as well.

They held onto each other like that until the kettle began to sing. Jacob chuckled in her ear, finally releasing her and letting Liz pour the hot water into two mugs with tea bags waiting. They moved slowly to the living room and half collapsed in the couch together, leaned in and close. He wrapped an arm around her and Liz sighed, leaning back against his chest. Their fingers were laced together and she raised his to her lips, pressing a kiss to it. "The only way we can do this is together."

"I know."

"Will you let me help you?"

"Isn't that what it means to do it together?"

"As long as we both know that," she answered softly. "I know... I know there's a lot I don't know yet. We'll get there, but I want you to know you really can talk to me about anything. Your past is behind us, but... You get that it's normal that it still affects you, right?" She felt him shrug behind her and she leaned her head back against his chest. "It is."

"There is a lot you don't know," he said tightly. "I don't...want to keep it from you, but-"

"But no one likes volunteering painful information."

"I compartmentalize," he explained softly. "It doesn't always... If it's not something we're talking about and it doesn't have to do with us-"

"Everything has to do with us if we're together," Liz pointed out.

"Okay."

"Just not all at once," she teased and he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and chuckled in her ear. The sound was warm and real, and with it she felt him relax a little.

Liz smiled as his arm wrapped around her and she nestled into his embrace and slowly he started to tell her about Bud. It was a piece to a puzzle that it would take her years to fully understand, she knew, but she was willing to learn. She loved this man, and she would make the conscious decision to remember that, even in the face of things he'd done that she had trouble accepting. They were going to be okay. After everything - all the pain, the lies, and everything that brought with it - he trusted her, and she had begun to trust him again. Just because the dangers that they had faced were put away didn't mean new ones wouldn't show, but a long as they faced them together she was certain they would come out alright.

* * *

Notes: When I first started coming up with the idea for World on Fire I had a scene that played out in my mind of when they had taken down the school and were leading Bud out, him trying to goad Jacob into killing him instead of going to prison. He would yell and threaten Jacob's family, both present and future. It was a very emotional scene in my mind, but when I actually wrote the story, it didn't make it in. I knew it still needed to be written, so this little piece came up.

If you have any one-shots you want to see for this series, let me know. I'm definitely taking requests.


End file.
